MEN HAVE FEELINGS

Written By Salome Tirado Okeze

MEN HAVE FEELINGS

This episode is one of the most honest conversations we’ve had on Tones.
A group of young men sit together to talk openly about struggles most men never speak on:

  • overthinking

  • loneliness

  • perfectionism

  • grief

  • addiction

  • identity

  • faith

  • and feeling stuck between who you are and who you want to be

It’s raw, emotional, vulnerable and deeply needed.

The Pressure to “Be the Man” — and What It Does to Mental Health

Many of the guys admitted they grew up thinking they had to be:

  • strong

  • stoic

  • supportive

  • unemotional

The black highlighted that as African men, culture often expects you to “firm it.”

But beneath that, they were dealing with:

  • anxiety from overthinking

  • feeling never “enough”

  • high standards rooted in fear

  • guilt about letting people down

  • loneliness even when surrounded by friends

  • the pressure to be successful early

  • and the unspoken expectation to carry everyone else’s burdens

One of them said something that hit all of us:

“I live in the future so much, imagining the person I want to be, that I never actually become him and that makes me anxious.”

Loneliness: The Secret Battle Most Men Don’t Admit

Several spoke about moving to the UK alone, especially London:

“You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone.”

Weekends spent isolated in their room, feeling disconnected.
No community. No support system. Just the noise in their head.

This conversation alone could have been an episode.

Feature: Joshua’s Story: Autism, Addiction & God Saving His Life

Joshua shared his journey:

  • diagnosed autistic at age 2–3

  • struggled with speech & social anxiety

  • got into drugs, alcohol and addiction in his teen years

  • attempted multiple times

  • last attempt was an overdose where he was rushed to hospital

But in the ambulance, fading in and out, he felt God tell him:

“Don’t fall asleep. I’m not letting you go.”

He survived, went home, and gave his life back to God.
Now he shares his story to help other young men understand the power of vulnerability and faith.

The Importance of Community for Young Men

Nearly every guy agreed on one thing:

Men need community.
Real, supportive, vulnerable friendships.
Not just vibes. Not just banter.

They spoke about:

  • accountability

  • discipleship

  • helping each other financially

  • checking in emotionally

  • Bible study & prayer groups

  • safe friendships where vulnerability isn’t mocked

One of them said:

“If you’re really struggling, get around other young people in church.
It will save your mental health.”

Being Emotional Does NOT Make You Weak

The episode ends with powerful reminders:

  • Emotions are human.

  • Vulnerability is strength.

  • You can be a man and still cry.

  • You can be introverted and still have purpose.

  • God doesn’t need perfection — He needs honesty.

  • You don’t have to carry everything alone.

This episode is healing.
It’s a mirror.
And it’s a reminder that young men feel deeply — they just need safe spaces to say it.

Salome Tirado Okeze
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